"Societal and school life make me depressed. I think my “depression” is proportional with how much time I spend in school, dealing with other people.
I just want to get my degree and minors and get it over with. Just dealing with people too much makes me sick. I mean occasionally is fine but too much makes me feel “overspent” and “pushed”. No one likes being pushed to do “this or that” or consistently fulfill expectations, and then when they occasionally fail, no one likes to be patronized or talked down to. You can follow orders well for 2 months but one trip up or two can cost your whole career. Sometimes I get up without even washing my face because of schoolwork and overexertion.
I think the more I stay at home, not dealing with the average deluded individual, makes me less depressed and invigorated. I literally start to feel a boundless sense of energy when I don’t have to deal with most people.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHRcKjvX1xE
When I make money and not see your faces, I tend to smile more and even dance. I walk outside listening to the chirping of the birds, do HIIT & Tabatas to work out, plant a garden, read good books & poetry, watch good films & play video games, and etc. I feel like the main character from There Will be Blood. My dad looks like him and also was involved in business big time. I have a feeling I will be like a less morbid version of him when I’m older. Maybe something like Emil Cioran. I think that’s what made me start boxing when I was younger because I was never swayed by overly optimistic talk like, “Deep within everyone there is a light or a yearning to be happy.” Truthfully, I think sometimes (and in most cases) the “Dark Night of the Soul” overrides all attempts to do good or be good.
I really don’t like most people. I don’t think that makes me sick. It just means I have to be smart, make the necessary steps, and so forth to secure a good livelihood in order not to see your faces.
“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.’” – J. Krishnamurti
But one has to be well-adjusted up to a point in order to break free from the sick society. I think J. Krishnamurti or any Chan Buddhist would not have denied this (notice I said Chan and not Zen – Zen is a bit more reactionary and conformist to ritualistic and societal values).
I feel bad for people who took up school loans, mortgages for big houses, and etc. Trust me, I am not that stupid. It is true, Persians are a bit arrogant in how they buy houses foreclosure, rebuild them, and sell them for more or live in them themselves, because then it is paid off. They also buy cars from auctions so it is already paid off. I will not be an indentured servant to your sick system and then be labeled as “depressed” because deep down most of you don’t want to see others succeed… I know how your system works. I’ll game it. Maybe even get involved in stock?
Society was created because deep in man there is a desire to die, a defeatism that is truly sick. It is like wine for some men. They want to be pushed and trampled over, feel the suffering of living up to arbitrary expectations, and cling onto illusory ideals… to the point where death is a release and something to look forward to. It’s truly sick… The smart man knows how to break from the shackles and live self-sustainably, enjoying his life now… not dealing with plebs. People like Bruce Lee were smart in how they gamed the system through their own creative expression (thus being outside of cultural context – being like an Ubermensch), which is why he and his son were assassinated. I think it’s more likely Bruce Lee was assassinated but that’s off-topic…"
the Zhuangzi is much closer to that spirit than Buddhists !
the dreams overflow into the waking state, the blurring of boundaries, the giant fish roe transforming into a mythical oversized phoenix and the empty skull at dusk having conversations about life ...
that's distinctly unbuddhist in spirit ... the Buddhist or Zen texts mostly obsess over "what is real" and about "dispelling illusion". Buddhists, in general: boring and uncreative
And "save all beings" - an ethics for Marvel comics ! - I had it in my system for too long ... it was like a constipation. It smelled funny but I thought ... ok if all these wise men thought "save all beings" was a great thing, then it must be me who is too evil to recognize it as the greatest goal of life!
But now I must admit, I don't want to "save" anybody except myself!
And that's not "selfishness". It's just that I cannot know what "save" means to others. I don't have access to their inner world so it would be presumptuous, even violent, to assume that they want to be "saved" according to my own understanding of what it means to be "saved"!
well, the impression one gets from the Zhuangzi is that the world never just "is" out there, as a real static entity, and then we superimpose our imagination over it ... instead it is an endless interplay of perspectives ... and the whole-reality is actually the sum of all realities and unrealities, a sum which is actually impossible - since one can always come up with a new perspective, thus reality is in itself incomplete
so it's obvious: only the creative person can be said to be enlightened! maybe people like zhuangzi or andrew ... that's why I'm not enlightened! but at least through this "about the real and unreal" I made some progress into something less stupid than I was living before
Here's something I wrote recently:
ReplyDelete"Societal and school life make me depressed. I think my “depression” is proportional with how much time I spend in school, dealing with other people.
I just want to get my degree and minors and get it over with. Just dealing with people too much makes me sick. I mean occasionally is fine but too much makes me feel “overspent” and “pushed”. No one likes being pushed to do “this or that” or consistently fulfill expectations, and then when they occasionally fail, no one likes to be patronized or talked down to. You can follow orders well for 2 months but one trip up or two can cost your whole career. Sometimes I get up without even washing my face because of schoolwork and overexertion.
I think the more I stay at home, not dealing with the average deluded individual, makes me less depressed and invigorated. I literally start to feel a boundless sense of energy when I don’t have to deal with most people.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHRcKjvX1xE
When I make money and not see your faces, I tend to smile more and even dance. I walk outside listening to the chirping of the birds, do HIIT & Tabatas to work out, plant a garden, read good books & poetry, watch good films & play video games, and etc. I feel like the main character from There Will be Blood. My dad looks like him and also was involved in business big time. I have a feeling I will be like a less morbid version of him when I’m older. Maybe something like Emil Cioran. I think that’s what made me start boxing when I was younger because I was never swayed by overly optimistic talk like, “Deep within everyone there is a light or a yearning to be happy.” Truthfully, I think sometimes (and in most cases) the “Dark Night of the Soul” overrides all attempts to do good or be good.
I really don’t like most people. I don’t think that makes me sick. It just means I have to be smart, make the necessary steps, and so forth to secure a good livelihood in order not to see your faces.
“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.’” – J. Krishnamurti
But one has to be well-adjusted up to a point in order to break free from the sick society. I think J. Krishnamurti or any Chan Buddhist would not have denied this (notice I said Chan and not Zen – Zen is a bit more reactionary and conformist to ritualistic and societal values).
I feel bad for people who took up school loans, mortgages for big houses, and etc. Trust me, I am not that stupid. It is true, Persians are a bit arrogant in how they buy houses foreclosure, rebuild them, and sell them for more or live in them themselves, because then it is paid off. They also buy cars from auctions so it is already paid off. I will not be an indentured servant to your sick system and then be labeled as “depressed” because deep down most of you don’t want to see others succeed… I know how your system works. I’ll game it. Maybe even get involved in stock?
Society was created because deep in man there is a desire to die, a defeatism that is truly sick. It is like wine for some men. They want to be pushed and trampled over, feel the suffering of living up to arbitrary expectations, and cling onto illusory ideals… to the point where death is a release and something to look forward to. It’s truly sick… The smart man knows how to break from the shackles and live self-sustainably, enjoying his life now… not dealing with plebs. People like Bruce Lee were smart in how they gamed the system through their own creative expression (thus being outside of cultural context – being like an Ubermensch), which is why he and his son were assassinated. I think it’s more likely Bruce Lee was assassinated but that’s off-topic…"
"what it is about is both the real and unreal"
ReplyDeletethe Zhuangzi is much closer to that spirit than Buddhists !
the dreams overflow into the waking state, the blurring of boundaries, the giant fish roe transforming into a mythical oversized phoenix and the empty skull at dusk having conversations about life ...
that's distinctly unbuddhist in spirit ... the Buddhist or Zen texts mostly obsess over "what is real" and about "dispelling illusion". Buddhists, in general: boring and uncreative
And "save all beings" - an ethics for Marvel comics ! - I had it in my system for too long ... it was like a constipation. It smelled funny but I thought ... ok if all these wise men thought "save all beings" was a great thing, then it must be me who is too evil to recognize it as the greatest goal of life!
But now I must admit, I don't want to "save" anybody except myself!
And that's not "selfishness". It's just that I cannot know what "save" means to others. I don't have access to their inner world so it would be presumptuous, even violent, to assume that they want to be "saved" according to my own understanding of what it means to be "saved"!
well, the impression one gets from the Zhuangzi is that the world never just "is" out there, as a real static entity, and then we superimpose our imagination over it ... instead it is an endless interplay of perspectives ... and the whole-reality is actually the sum of all realities and unrealities, a sum which is actually impossible - since one can always come up with a new perspective, thus reality is in itself incomplete
so it's obvious: only the creative person can be said to be enlightened! maybe people like zhuangzi or andrew ... that's why I'm not enlightened! but at least through this "about the real and unreal" I made some progress into something less stupid than I was living before
creativity is really that communion with infinity !
Delete"But now I must admit, I don't want to "save" anybody except myself! "
ReplyDeleteSame here...
And possibly open up Humane Society for cats and dogs...
I like Peter Wessel Zapffe a lot. Read his "Last Messiah" when you have time.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Wessel_Zapffe#Contentions